Friday, March 10, 2006

A Chill Wind

I got this in the mail today--a scary thing to get.

It's a reminder of how close I came. There are a lot of people who get SCTs and it feels a bit weird to talk about how frightening it was. But it was frightening.

The surgeon said that he thought what I have was either sarcoidosis or histoplasmosis. Histoplasmosis is a fungal infection. People usually get it from bird or bat droppings. Last December Bob and I visited my sister in New Mexico and drove over to Karchner Cavern in Arizona. So of course, we have decided that bat guano is way cooler than bird droppings or even mouse droppings.

This has led us to our own scenario for the show House. House, the brilliant diagnostician always manages to make two wrong diagnosis before finally figuring out the obscure culprit. So we figure he assumes that there's drugs or something and sends Dr. Foreman to break into our house and check. (He always sends Foreman because Foreman is black and House likes to give him a hard time about his life of juvenile crime.) Foreman finds no drugs, just a brochure from our vacation. House sits in his office, thinking deep thoughts, twirling his cane, and then says, "Karchner Caverns!" He orders a serum antibody test for histoplasmosis and when it comes back positive, smugly tells the crew that it was bat guano.

Actually, something like 80-90% of people who live East of the Mississippi have been exposed to fungus. It's called Ohio River Valley. And people who often eat in fast food restaurants show higher levels of antibodies specific to the kinds of fungal infections transferred by mouse droppings. But fast food is way less cool than bats.


Blogger Responsible Artist said...

Maybe you can write the episode? But you should mess with Foreman a little. Why make it easy? Also leave out photographs of your fall down Splash Mountain at Disneyland. And a postcard from the Nixon Museum showing Nixon shaking Elvis's hand. And a postcard from the Elvis museum showing Elvis shaking Nixon's hand. And maybe a Tequila bottle from your last trip to Mexico.

March 10, 2006 11:02 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

...and then Bob knees House in the groin...

March 10, 2006 11:42 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Funny you should mention that Tequila bottle from Mexico. Maybe Maureen will tell that story sometime.

March 11, 2006 7:32 AM  
Blogger Ruby said...

So glad to hear you don't need the SCT. Did you still get the port? What are they going to do with it now? You could leave it in, then House won't see the track lines. LOL ok, so that was all I could think of...

That bit about fast food is damn scary.

March 11, 2006 3:15 PM  
Blogger Greg van Eekhout said...

I would totally be telling people I caught batshititis.

March 11, 2006 3:47 PM  
Blogger Ted said...

But "batshititis" means inflammation of the batshit. Maybe a better term would be "batshitiasis"?

March 11, 2006 7:27 PM  
Blogger Foxessa said...

It's so good to hear/read this news. Whew!

Not to mention that us east of the Mississippi often live in modernized buildings erected around the Civil War and sometimes even before, and certainly before the Korean War, that are riddled with the detritus of age, which includes all that stuff. It doesn't matter that your home is spotless, it's whats under the floor, in the walls, etc.

Love, C(onstance)

March 11, 2006 7:58 PM  
Blogger Greg van Eekhout said...

And that's why we love Ted.

March 11, 2006 10:01 PM  
Blogger Richard said...

I can't help but notice that the typeface used on the page from the transplant binder is Comic Sans.

March 12, 2006 9:20 AM  

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